Support for Children in Military Families

By: Chuck N. Baker

(Nevada) — One way to categorize children of military parents is to place them in one of two groups; children who travel with family during deployments around the world or those left in the States with other family members, friends, or formal establishments specializing in this kind of child care.

Boulder City resident Chere Pedersen fell into the first category. As a self-described “Army brat,” she said she was none the less worse for wear from the experience. As she got older, she said she had a great time traveling to various duty stations domestically and overseas. “My dad was in the Army for 33-1/2 years. He was stationed in Korea and Vietnam and he was always going somewhere.” Until she was in her teens, she would stay with her mother and in her younger years she barely knew her dad. “I was one-year old when he was in Okinawa and he hadn’t even met me yet.” During her first two years he was in Japan, then in Hawaii. “Then in 1966 my father became a recruiter in California at the Presidio.”

“It wasn’t like today,” Pedersen said. “Nobody watched the news as much, and I always thought my father would come back from being away. I never really understood his being gone as a little kid.” The first major news event she understood was when President Kennedy was killed. Pedersen said her brothers had mixed emotions about their dad being deployed. “They were older, they’d make friends with somebody and then they’d move away. But I know my brothers missed not having steady friends, not playing sports. In my case, I didn’t get close to anybody.

“I always remember the great times when he was home. Some of my brothers had a different attitude. They were born at forts,” she said. “I was the only girl, so I was his favorite. My parents divorced when I was five, my father got full custody, and he took us with him. He later remarried. The lady had been an Air Force wife and had a son already my age, and we got along OK. Altogether I had two brothers, two full brothers, three half-brothers and one step brother.”

When it came time for Pedersen to raise a family of her own, she said, “I wanted to raise my children in one place. My son and daughter were born in England. When my husband passed away, I came to live with my mom in Las Vegas. After I was here for a year or so I met my current husband. The children were age four and six and he pretty much raised them.”

When Pedersen’s father passed away, she took time to recall some of their communications during his deployment. “I would write him a letter and he would send it back and ask me to work on my grammar and spelling. He also predicted that I’d ‘be a good little housewife someday.’” Pedersen laughed and asked, “How would that go over today?” Then her dad would write, “I’m still alive and I still plan on coming back for Christmas.” She added, “I thought I had a great life. I didn’t let it affect me like a lot of other people.”

Patricia Ochan is a Senior Consultant for Cybersecurity Policy at Booz Allen Hamilton. Before she joined Booz Allen, she was a full-time caregiver to her husband, a veteran who was severely injured in combat. A cybersecurity expert with a law degree, she had to give up her career to care for him. She said she’s one of millions of “hidden heroes” across the U.S.— the spouses, parents, family members, and friends who care for our nation’s wounded, ill, or injured veterans. She was asked about her observations of military children, and she said many of them are depressed. “The fact that they miss their parents, dad and mom. They don’t have that direct experience of having them to take care of them. They have to go to school without their moms and dads, when other kids ask them why they are not there.”

Ochan, who resides on the East Coast, recalled when her husband was deployed to California. “Sometimes our son did not see him for three months, only phone calls once or twice a week. But it took a toll on our son.” She said in that case California sounded better than Afghanistan, where different time zones make telephone calls difficult. “Sometimes soldiers overseas can’t make calls at all, or if they do, they can only speak for one or two minutes. Often it’s the moms (overseas or Stateside civilians) who suffer.”

Ochan said that sometimes even teachers don’t understand that the kids are alone. “Sometimes the kids act up in school and the next thing you know the teachers are pulling them aside, and they are being told they are slow learners.” She said schools need to normalize “the whole military situation. Their parents are overseas, and teachers have to learn how the kids are feeling.” When dads are deployed and there is no one to come home to, other kids don’t always understand what is going on. It can be difficult for the military child to make new friends. “It can be worse when mothers are deployed, and the children depend on their mothers.”

Tim Montjoy is founder and CEO of Operation Teammate. He became a single parent in 2003 after returning from an overseas assignment to South Korea. While his Air Force career progressed and his daughter, Bethany, continued to be involved in different activities, he began noticing that there were

not many opportunities for military children to be mentored outside of the home. Like many other military parents, he experienced first-hand the toll that deployments and being called away can take on a child. His daughter had always been an athlete, and he began to think about how it would have been comforting to know that there were additional resources and mentoring opportunities for her while they were separated.

In a newspaper interview when he returned home from his last deployment in 2012, he reported that the foundation for Operation Teammate began to take shape then. The son and daughter team turned it into a family mission. He observed that activities involving sports could serve as a bridge. Bringing together military children and athletes seemed like a no-brainer because they could show the children that it’s possible to overcome challenges and work through any obstacle — on the field and in life. Being a military child isn’t easy. According to the organization, one-in-four military children have emotional-behavioral challenges associated with a military parent being deployed overseas to a war zone.

“Military children deserve to know they belong to a team, our team,” he said. “Operation Teammate provides memorable sporting experiences to military children through impactful athlete interaction.” Montjoy said it provides opportunities for sports teams to welcome children (ages 5-18) of military families as honorary teammates. “These children are VIPs for the day. They make some unforgettable memories, all while learning they are resilient, strong, and can tackle anything life throws at them.” Outings might include football practice with the University of Georgia Bulldogs, watching the Charlotte Hornets play a visiting NBA team or even a trip to a Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog eating contest. “The goal is to provide military children exclusive opportunities to learn life skills from the successful journey of college, amateur and professional athletes — just not on game days.”

Another organization also serves to help military children by honoring them with annual Military Child of the Year awards. The annual awards from Operation Homefront recognizes eight outstanding young people ages 13 to 18. Seven of them will represent a branch of the U.S. military — the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, Coast Guard, and National Guard — for their scholarship, volunteerism, leadership, extracurricular involvement, and other criteria while facing the challenges of military family life.

The eighth presentation is the Military Child of the Year Award for Innovation presented by Booz Allen Hamilton. This award goes to a military child who has designed a bold and creative solution to address a local, regional or global challenge. All eight recipients will be flown with a parent or guardian to Washington, D.C., to be recognized at the April 2021 Gala, during which senior leaders of each branch of service will present the awards. Winners also will receive $10,000 each, a laptop computer, and other donated gifts. They’ll also meet with a team of Booz Allen employees for project support.

Operation Homefront is a national nonprofit founded in 2002 that supports military families. This is the 13th year of the Military Child of the Year Awards program that recognizes military kids for their positive impacts on their communities. The eight children were selected out of a total of 95 applicants.

Two additional organizations exist to help children of deployed parents and veterans. The Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) National Home for Children supports families facing the lingering impacts of war. A spokesman said, “It’s our ‘little patriots’ that so often shoulder the burden of problems such as unemployment, financial difficulties, behavioral health disorders, food scarcity, housing instability and more. Deployments can result in emotional impacts on children such an anger, anxiety, depression, withdrawal, decline in school performance, loss of interest in normal activities and social isolation.” The VFW home helps children overcome those challenges with professional counseling through case managers, a variety of educational, recreational and enrichment opportunities and a supportive environment.

The American Legion Veterans & Children Foundation delivers financial assistance for minor individuals who have lost parents in service to the nation or whose parents are on active duty or are American Legion members. Income from foundation investments is used to fund Veterans Affairs & Rehabilitation programs and Temporary Financial Assistance. Ken Lee, an American Legion Service Officer said about the program, “It’s hard to imagine how many lives are being touched. Not just military life – but the family unit as a whole.”

Like most people worldwide, Americans come up against difficulties from time to time. One of our strengths is that we can persevere and overcome negative aspects that affect our families or that burden us as individuals. Being a child of deployed parents can be difficult, but the problems are not insurmountable. As the United States fast approaches its 250th birthday in 2026, one thing to keep in mind is that military children help bolster their military parents and as such, they play their own role in keeping American strong.

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